Saturday, February 15, 2014

Judgemental Arseholes are not welcome.

When a girl (usually the pretty ones) complain about their appearance or whine about how ugly they are, people who are especially judgemental will label them 'attention seekers' or 'compliment fishers' without even hesitating. Yeah, maybe they're right, she might be fishing for flattering compliments, but then again MAYBE she actually does find herself ugly.

I have been called fat, black, ugly, boyish and so on, and these critics on my appearance affected my opinion about myself and my confidence A LOT and I am in fact, still inflicted by them. I've been called names so many times before, that the idea of me being ugly is planted and has bloomed in my head and that being, whatever image I see in the mirror now will never be good enough. I think most girls can relate to this.

However, as I grow up, compliments do come around from time to time, but even if they are genuine, it's still quite difficult for me to believe them because I will always reminisce the days where people used to torment me and gave me fake compliments. Regardless of what they say, I keep refusing them because how I see myself is deeply affected by the negativity people have fed me once. No matter how hard they try  to convince me, it still won't change the perspective I have for myself and that's basically when I get labeled 'attention seeker'. 

Sometimes, I'd lose my temper and send someone off just because they gave me a compliment, especially when I'm not at my best. It kinda makes me a jerk to do so but to me, it's really frustrating to hear people say what I have come to believe as untrue about me (even if they actually are) and expecting me to buy it.  This could be frustrating for the other party for getting ticked off even when they had good intentions but I'm just so full of doubt to give a positive response, alright? To be honest, my reluctance to accept positivity frustrates me just as much and trust me, I'm working on it :/
Long story short, I have trust issues.

Although occasionally, I do accept the nice things people say to me and get boosts of confidence afterwards but they're only ephemeral. It never actually lasts.

Social stigma is also one of the reasons why I feel like cupping my ears and run away while screaming when I hear "Hey, you're pretty" from someone, yknow? Because some fucked up people really live up to the term "judgemental assholes". 

"You're so beautiful!"
"Oh thank you! *smiles"
This is being perasan.

"You're so beautiful!"
"Nahh, I'm not lah"
This is attention seeking.

You think I'm exaggerating? NO. Mental people who judge like this do exist.

So lately, whenever someone says something about a girl being an attention seeker just because she denied a compliment, I'd automatically feel defensive over her (not that I'd stand up for her to take a punch or anything. I'm too much of a pussy to commit such bravery but I rebel inside like I always do..) because we don't know what she's gone through in the past. I can get very sensitive and overwhelmed when this happens because I know too well how it feels to be insecure. It's not fair for us to simply get labeled just because we disagree to believe how people see us no matter if we really are pretty or not (no narcissism is intended here). We're not fishing for compliments, we're just very hard to crack. If I could explain to you why it is how it is, I'd already do that but it seems like I can't because I don't know how to and even if I tried, no one would be able to understand. 
So if she doesn't want to take the compliment, then let her be and try to understand. If you wanna keep on convincing her that she's beautiful then go on because it's nicer that way but even if you don't want to, just shut your glob because labeling her names is completely unnecessary and super mean. Senang cerita, don't judge people too quickly. Thanks.

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