Monday, July 29, 2013

Slap me.

Negativity sucks. Over-thinking sucks.

Over-thinking is very native to a pessimist (which is to say, me) and that is a big thumbs down. A bad news, a dark memory, a comment, a confession, a physical gesture and even honesty could lead us to a bad case of over-thinking. It kills. Do you know what it does to you if the intense negativity lasts for so long? Depression. Do you know what depression does to you? Suck out all of your happiness in one go. It's more like a Dementor but it works emotionally and that's worse because you basically can't see it coming.

The thing is with us pessimists, we can create a hell of a damn mess out of a small smudge. We get a small problem, then we question and question and question ourselves with unreasonable things until we feel nothing but doubt and see all the negativity there is in that situation. It's so stupid when I think of it but it's so hard for me to let it pass when I'm already used to this. I mean, look at what I'm writing about and look at the first word of this post! It sickens me to realize that I will never change into a person with a better mindset.

But it's funny how I am only negative to myself. Know what I mean? I am always the one who brings myself down and I am always attacking myself with my pessimism but not to other people. I'm like the biggest optimist you will ever meet when it comes to anyone else's problem. I sort of realized this like, two seconds ago.

I need help. Any help would do at this point of time. I can't bare with the idea of being constantly blinded by the dark (so deep) and getting all shit face depressed over a problem as big as a baby's booger. I'm actually tired. Tired of my own sighs and the sleepless nights I spend on over-thinking about a stupid matter. This has to stop...

Sunday, July 21, 2013

A question to my 14 year old self: WHY?

I just had to remind myself how I was two years ago. I scrolled through my previous posts that were dated back in 2011 and oh. my. God.

The posts were so silly, I can't even... I curse a lot too back then, even more than I do now and that deserves a good amount of spanking. Wasn't I aware of how disgraceful I was? 'Crap' in every paragraph? 'Effing' before every verb? Referring to other people as 'bitches' all the time??

If I could travel back in time, I'd go back to 2011, slap myself and go, "NO." I apologize to everyone for my lack of manner in my past updates. I had no control over it as it was the immature 'me' who wrote all of that. Well what to do.... 'kids'.
Don't bother searching for those posts though 'cause I deleted most of the embarrassing ones and I know better than to let you guys taste the satisfactory of laughing at my sorry ass :P So save yourself from wasting time and make a good use out of it instead. 

I still regret being the 14 year old that I was though... 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

salam Ramadhan !

Assalamualaikum and good afternoon mon cheries! It's the second day of the fasting month and I hope your Ramadhan has been good so far :)

I know I'm a day late to wish y'all happy fasting but I tweeted my wish already so consider it the same? hihi.

Well... I really did consider writing more about Ramadhan here, about the benefits you get, how you should try to cleanse your soul in this holy month and all that stuff, but I'm not really good at it and I might end up writing something completely pointless and won't make any sense at all. So I'm leaving that to other bloggers to inspire you and persuade you into doing more good deeds this month :) 
But yeah, don't miss a day of fasting InsyaAllah but if it's inevitable, then I completely understand, especially for girls. Boys shouldn't have any problems with this though unless if you're really sick or dying.

Selamat Menyambut Ramadhan al-Mubarak from me :*

Wednesday, July 10, 2013

That one song..

Have you ever fell in love with a song that gives you the worse thoughts about life, love and yourself? The song eats you up with every word that was sung, every change in chords of the guitar, every melody the song sways to, it just ... crushes you.
 But the combination of it all is simply perfect.
I have one and I'm dangerously addicted to it. 
This is by far the best, yet the worse addiction I have ever had. This song is capable of bringing me to tears but I would still be pressing the button to increase the audio volume.

The sadness and anger it brings me is beyond compare and I'm scared because it relates with the love life I'm in right now. 
well, dang it.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Need ... sleep.


I'm craving for a goodnight's sleep but I can't seem to get any lately. I guess it's that time of the year again, where every twist and turn alerts my senses, making myself restless, driving me crazy and it's draining my energy more and more as the days go by. Even if I managed to force myself to sleep, it's usually just the body that rests. My head however, doesnt know the meaning of a fucking rest, I suppose. Urgh. For once, I want my body and my brain to be in sync so I can have a dreamless, satisfying sleep. I need that. Just for one night. I can't cope with only half of my body being asleep while the other half is itching to go for a stroll in the park anymore. This insomnia-ish thing has got to stop or my level of sanity is gonna be close to non-existent soon. God please help me get some rest cause this is literally affecting my performance in class. Dozing off in class is becoming a habit now and man, that's bad.

 I'm exhausteddddddddd

Tuesday, July 2, 2013

16? Already?

Today should be the second day of the second half of 2013. Already, huh? Yeah, it's true what they say; time flies. Because it really feels like it was just yesterday when I took my first paper for PMR. The nerve, the excitement, the twisted knot in my tummy, I could still feel it.
Ah damn, I wish time could take it easy for awhile 'cause I really don't wanna be 17 too fast. I'm 16 now.... how the fuck did that happen?! D: 

The next thing I'm going to say is probably gonna make the lower secondary students go 'Oh damn she's bonkers', but kids, I miss being a PMR candidate so badly. Life was still easy back then and those 8 subjects? You can ace them, no problem. But you still have to study la of course.

My senior told me the same thing last year and I couldn't believe a word so I laughed and replied 'It is soooooo hard to be in my shoes rn, you have no idea. I'm dying ohmygosh' and now, I really feel like taking that back because first, I sound stupid and second, I finally understand them after standing in their shoes.
SPM, my friend, is a murderer.
Biology, Addmath, Physics, Chemistry ; a combo from hell.
The others are a pain in the ass too so yeah, no worries. You know, PMR is child's play once you get involved with these subjects. I'm really not looking forward to SPM especially when I'm a science student.
Hmm, Science stream; get. out. of. it.

The subjects are not the only thing that changes when you get into form 4 though. From what you learn, to the style of learning, it's all different. And from this point on, there's no more playing around 'cause you will be in for a ride. If you don't know how to carry yourself throughout these two years of hell, you're basically dead.
I'm dead.
But I'll try my best. No more fooling around then.... 

Whatever. I still can't believe I'm 16. Alright.

hi again.

Mm it has been awhile (yeah, 10 months) since my last post and I figured I should write something , anything at all for you guys to read :) 


No one ever reads my blog. It's a ghost town here. So yeah, the best way to explain why I'm here after going missing for almost a year is because I'm bored.
I'm lying on my bed in my towel, soaking in the laziness and I don't know what better things to do. Okay don't tell me to study, please. I won't. Go, cry me a river, beg me, persuade me with anything at all and I will still be very hesitant to study if not completely rejecting the idea of opening a book. 

Good God why can't life be more exciting by just lying down .... oh hahaha I guess that's why good dreams exist. Lie down, close your eyes and have the time of your life! In your head. Mmm. 

I'm still bored though ... HI.

I think I wanna continue posting stuffs on this blog. Oh yknow since I got a new phone and all :P so the blog is pretty much accessible anytime anywhere... chicken. 
That was random.

Before I go, lemme just tell you that my life is stepping up a notch lately and weeeeeee it feels good. SO BLOODY GOOD to be happy again and it's all thanks to this one special somebody :3