Monday, July 29, 2013

Slap me.

Negativity sucks. Over-thinking sucks.

Over-thinking is very native to a pessimist (which is to say, me) and that is a big thumbs down. A bad news, a dark memory, a comment, a confession, a physical gesture and even honesty could lead us to a bad case of over-thinking. It kills. Do you know what it does to you if the intense negativity lasts for so long? Depression. Do you know what depression does to you? Suck out all of your happiness in one go. It's more like a Dementor but it works emotionally and that's worse because you basically can't see it coming.

The thing is with us pessimists, we can create a hell of a damn mess out of a small smudge. We get a small problem, then we question and question and question ourselves with unreasonable things until we feel nothing but doubt and see all the negativity there is in that situation. It's so stupid when I think of it but it's so hard for me to let it pass when I'm already used to this. I mean, look at what I'm writing about and look at the first word of this post! It sickens me to realize that I will never change into a person with a better mindset.

But it's funny how I am only negative to myself. Know what I mean? I am always the one who brings myself down and I am always attacking myself with my pessimism but not to other people. I'm like the biggest optimist you will ever meet when it comes to anyone else's problem. I sort of realized this like, two seconds ago.

I need help. Any help would do at this point of time. I can't bare with the idea of being constantly blinded by the dark (so deep) and getting all shit face depressed over a problem as big as a baby's booger. I'm actually tired. Tired of my own sighs and the sleepless nights I spend on over-thinking about a stupid matter. This has to stop...

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