Monday, June 5, 2017

Ayah

In remembrance of a loving father. 

It's your birthday today and you would be just 41 this year, dad! It's that month again where we would get the same ol' chocolate indulgence cake that you like so much and KFC or sparkling juice to make it a little more fancy. It would be joyous, as always. A small dinner to celebrate us getting older and wiser, right ayah?  But then, time stopped for you seven years ago. We haven't been celebrating your birthday together for seven years now. Seven. And then it's going to become eight and then nine, ten and so on and then one day, it's gonna be 13 or 14 years since the last time I saw you. You know, the saddest moment in my life to date would be the day you passed, but in 7 years to come, around August, sorrows would indulge me once again. Probably worse that time because then I would have lived longer without you than I have lived with. I would have spent most of my time having someone else take your place and not you. It hurts. It really really cuts that deep. I still have so much to learn from you. You still haven't taught me the tricks of being in a relationship, or what to do when I get my heart broken, or at least watch me struggle with architecture. You'd bawl into tears seeing me getting thrown in Sarawak and I probably would've asked for engineering tips if you were still here. Well, if only. So now that you're not with me, someone else is doing your job for you, especially the scolding part...... but the one thing that he will never ever do is love me the way you did. Again, this hurts me in ways I could not explain.

I know I can't see you again until it's my turn to answer His call, but for now, I just want to be closer to you, to be back to the place they laid you down in peace. Ayah, Marha nak balik. 

I miss you, Ayah. 
Selamat Hari Jadi,


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