Anger is what I feel, anger is what I want to channel and anger is what I want to show. But the fact that I'm a big girl and I should hide what I feel, that made me even angrier at the world, at everybody. And the recent events in my life is not exactly helping me recover as well. I knew I had anger issues but I never thought it would get worse over time. After 7 years, shouldn't it at least die down a little bit.

At times like this, isn't it you who's supposed to be here? Isn't vulnerability leads to honesty? Don't you want me to be honest, point blank? Don't you want me to see my ego crumble into ruins? Don't you want to witness me at my weakest? Don't you want to know what I've been keeping to myself? If I have reckless thoughts? If I'm coping with it well? I thought you loved me.

By tomorrow, my ego could be back. And that's not all that is coming back, my anger will too, my insecurities, my fears, my problems, everything. And my ego will protect it because I'm supposed to be a big girl, to hide feelings away from everyone, including you. But I guess, that is what you want because you're exactly like that.

This is what's supposed to make us stronger. To witness the bad and the ugly and bracing through it, that will bond us. But we're going to sleep tonight angry and sad while tomorrow is promising another ignorant day. The saddest thing about this is that knowing we are never going to truly know each other despite the fact that we are bounded by blood. The saddest, because we will know each others flaws, front and back, but will never know how to handle them, ever. As families, -- wait. are we really a family?